Hello. We may have already met. Well, what I mean is that you may have already read one of my blogs. If you haven’t there’s no need to worry. This a a great time to get started. I’ve finally decided what I want to write about. This blog started out as a class project a few years back and I thought I would keep it around as a creative outlet. Over the years I’ve had a few sporadic posts usually prompted by my own musings but have never had any real direction. I believe to a certain extent that is why I have floundered so much.
So, without further ado, I’ve decided to write about fatherhood. It’s one of my greatest responsibilities and something that I dearly love. I also know that there are tons of other men out there that want to be the best dad’s they can and a useful tip every now and then can go a long way. Now, I’m not saying I’m the best dad ever but I had one of the greatest examples ever growing up as well as a great group of guys that I am constantly learning from. Above all else I have my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, as the ultimate example and I want to share my experiences and insights with you in hopes that you can also be the best dad you can be.
So this week I’m heading to Orlando on a business trip. I’m actually looking forward to that part. Monday is my travel day followed by two days at the convention, then a half day and travel home. Seemed simple enough. Only one layover each way and no red eye flights. What could go wrong?
Last November I ended up on a three day blur of a trip the week of Thanksgiving, red eyes included, and had some tough travel days. The trip itself was well worth it but it was hard. This trip seemed like it would be soooooo much better. I got into the office this morning, went over some final items with my boss and had lunch with him before heading to the airport. Once I got there I realized that I had the wrong cord for my phone. Well, it’s not the wrong cord but it’s not the best cord. I have a portable charging block and I can’t use my home charger for it. I have a special charging cable for when I travel but it was left in my car. At the time my car was 1 mile down the road but I wasn’t going to have a coworker bring it to me. It’s a small thing and I’d survive.
It’s 11:30 pm and I think I have a combined 10 hours of sleep over the last 48 hours. The house is a mess with the remains of Christmas strewn everywhere. There are blankets littering the floor and couches with a cat laying on one, curled up like a king. I just realized one of our dogs was still outside too. Glad I heard him since it’s hovering just above 40 degrees outside. The lights on our Christmas decorations are still lit and my new Billy Holiday record is playing softly in the background.
Coming into this Holiday season we had some very large life decisions looming overhead. We were considering a move out of state and it looked like it was a very real possibility it was going to happen. We had begun researching the basics of the Boise area and found a lot of really cool things. We began to prepare mentally for the move and after some initial talks I was ready to uproot and go. My sister asked me, “How likely is it that you’ll move?” I thought for a moment and replied “90%”, but also mentioned that I didn’t want to say that was for sure. There was a lot to consider.
“Go big or go home.” I don’t know how many times I’ve uttered those words. If you grew up in the nineties where the X Games and Mountain Dew reigned supreme you know what I mean. It was this quest to do things bigger and better than those before us. I remember being glued to the TV as I watched Tony Hawk attempt to land the 900 for the first time. Attempt after failed attempt he got closer and closer. It was like everything was standing still and then he landed it. It was crazy and I was awe struck at what he had accomplished. The idea of being the first person to ever do something was mind blowing.
What you don’t see is the years he spent learning how to skateboard. The hours spent repeating the same tricks over and over until they could be done in his sleep. There was a day when an ollie was a big deal for him. Then maybe when he got really good at that he tried a kickflip. Today I can picture in my mind this gradual progression that started from some kid with a skateboard to a history making moment. That’s when I look at my own goals and ideas and take a step back. I need to start small.
Today I ran across a song by Andy Mineo called Honest 2 God that just really touched my heart. I am a big fan of his and have seen him perform on a few different occasions and really enjoy his work. It’s easy to just assume that he’s doing big things and working on new projects and life is good. I hear his music and even when he raps about struggles it seems they are from times past and not something he still deals with.
When I heard this song and he made mention of how he’s questioned his beliefs and dealt with depression in December 2016 it was almost shocking. I had seen him the previous spring and had such a good time at his concert. For the finale I helped him balance on the railing in front of the stage as he rapped “You can’t stop me” and felt like it was just such a hyped show. He had some new songs drop over the summer and hinted at a new tour with the Social Club Misfits (another favorite of mine). I would have guess things were going great. I mean, I follow him on Instagram and Twitter and it was awesome. At least it seemed awesome.
To hear the word depression was almost shocking. It’s a word that most people won’t use. It’s almost taboo to do so. Depression seems like something that only affects people with dark lives and no hope. So often depression is associated with suicide and the two are never something people want to acknowledge. I could picture him at his breakfast table, cereal getting soggy and just breaking down. The pressure of life just becoming too much to hold in any longer and his emotion just taking over.